Suicide is not only about proximate causes.
The reasons someone commits suicide at a particular moment aren’t all the reasons they commit suicide. Often those aren’t even the most important reasons. No one likes this part of the explanation. It makes an event that’s already as awful as it can be more awful, because it renders it inexplicable. Most of us, even with our occasional desires for the ground to swallow us up, can sympathize but never really empathize.
a guide to uk cities for foreign people
- manchester: gays. you will probably get mugged.
- liverpool: like manchester, but less gay. you will definitely get mugged.
- newcastle: probably quite good for canadians as exists in permafrost and has never left the 90s.
- leeds: it's a lot cheaper than london
- bradford: leeds but awful
- nottingham: gun death capital of the uk!
- derby: intense rivalry with nottingham, literally no one else in the country or world gives any fucks about this.
- hull: violently resist anyone who attempts to take you here
- leicester: i'm not sure this is a real place
- york: this is an illustration from the top of a christmas biscuit assortment
- birmingham: NO.
- brighton & hove: more gays. is only a pretend city. mild to moderate chance of mugging. contains some deeply annoying hippies. basically if san francisco was british.
- portsmouth: there is literally nothing here.
- southampton: exactly the same as portsmouth but smells of off milk
- bristol: you have a 1 in 10 chance of ending up in a bbc recording. everyone sounds like a farmer or bob marley.
- cardiff: you have a 1 in 5 chance of ending up in a bbc recording, and a 1 in 3 chance of being glassed.
- plymouth: post apocalyptic wind tunnel full of drunk sailors pissing on depressed hookers. do not enter.
- penzance: everyone here is from london now.
- london: no one from london is actually from london and even breathing is expensive.
- cambridge: windy and full of equal amounts of homeless drug addicts and public schoolboys. the junkies are nicer.
- oxford: same number of cunts as cambridge but easier to escape from due to all-night bus to london
- edinburgh: a goth turned into a city. basically london but slightly more scottish.
- glasgow: it is impossible to tell whether people are angry or happy.
- aberdeen: las vegas at the point when vegas starts crying uncontrollably
- belfast: do not order "an irish car bomb" OR "a black and tan" here.
- wolverhampton: really, really don't.
- norwich: count people's fingers. mutations walk here.
- coventry: like plymouth, bombed flat in ww2. like plymouth, failed to take the hint. like plymouth: do not alight here.
- wells: so tiny and filled with country bumpkins that it got used as the setting for the VILLAGE in hot fuzz. there is also a suspiciously low crime rate...